sweet pain.........................

A translated story...

I went out to buy a water bottle. It was at about 5 in the evening. That’s the time when Minha crossed before me. She didn’t even raise her gaze. She just went where ever she was going. I didn’t look at her until her …….. I didn’t freeze. My heart beat wasn’t even faster. I didn’t felt cold on my hands and legs. People say that when we see the one we love we will know it. Brain will send signals to entire body. But nothing such happened to me. When I saw Minha first she was a simple girl. There was no tension. The time she was crossing my home, I came out. That’s all.

One day I went to villingili with one of my friend. When I got down from ferry dhoni and was walking towards inside the island, I was Minha coming towards ferry terminal. She was busy talking with some of her friend. She didn’t see me. I didn’t even look back at her. That’s all.

When I went to a funeral to one of mom’s friends place, I saw her again. That day I thought, she is the one I saw last two days. As we were strangers there is nothing to remember about each other. That time we both smiled at each other. That’s all
When I went to farewell one of my friend to Airport I saw her in the ferry again. At that time I thought… this is a girl a meet very often... Now I know that there are people who we will meet over and again. Even though I thought she was simple, there should be a reason or things that make me recognize her… You won’t love without a reason. What’s the meaning of that?? Without a signal from Minha, have I fallen for her? Will that also happen?? Love will start from one side, expressing it or not… accepting it or not is a different story.

When I was alone I started remembering her without any reason. If I tell the truth I have seen much beautiful girls than her. What I knew was that we don’t fall only for queens. The queen who rules the heart will be different for different people. The reason why she became so beautiful might not be able to tell even for you. But you can’t forget her.

With some excuse I started talking her. First it was just a casual talk. When we get closer and closer I found lot of qualities that I was looking for. I got a happy feeling as like I was talking to my girlfriend. Now I started missing her every time. Whenever am happy or sad, she was the first person to tell. Even if she doesn’t do the same thing, without a control I started falling for her.

“Do you have a boy friend” I asked. She didn’t answer to that question. One reason might be she had a boy friend and she didn’t want to hurt me saying that. The other reason would be she was single and she didn’t want to go out with me. May be she loved me more than her boy friend and she didn’t know what to do, might also be a reason. The last reason could be that she loved me and didn’t want to tell that.
As she was looking with a smile, I too smiled at her. I repeated the question and couldn’t get the answer. “Do you love me” I asked. With a blush she started laughing. But didn’t give any answer. I was happy that she didn’t say NO. I was even sad because she didn’t say yes. “I will find the answer” I told her.

She didn’t say that she love me. That wasn’t the problem. But if she doesn’t love me, why wouldn’t she say that? My hope didn’t go in vain because she didn’t say no and that was the reason my heart wanted to wait for her. It was the reason which forced my eyes to see some dreams. We were talking whilst we didn’t know what to name our relationship. Sometimes I feel like Minha is a very close friend. But sometimes she does things that make me feel she was my lover.

On Valentine’s Day she sent me a flower. On my b’day she sent me a key tag which has a heart in it. You can take any meaning out of it. Sometimes before doing something she let me know it. Not like asking for permission but rather like just informing. You can take any meaning. But I loved her and she knows it very well. She accepts whatever I sent to her. That doesn’t have to be that she was accepting my love. But my love for her was getting stronger and stronger. I was thinking that there won’t be a happier person than me. One year passed like that.

It was her 20th b’day. Her parents threw a party for her. I was invited for the party. That was where I met Minha’s boy friend. His name was Ahmed. “Here is the one you were looking for. My sweetheart.” She said. What would I say?? I got really sad. I thought with anger I would leave the party. I can do all that. But I don’t have the right to complain. I can’t say that she was a cheater or deceiver as she has never ever mentioned that she loves me. I just smiled and waited there. Only one question came to my mind. What kind of a thing is not to tell me that she didn’t love me? I will never know why she did that to me. I saw love from her side. May be I wrongly interpreted some of her behaviors or some of her actions. But I can only tell my feelings and my misinterpretations.

This is one side of the story. The other part is in her heart. In the same way I have only half of my heart in my body. The other half is in her body. It has been so many days since my heart isn’t beating properly. That is also something which you feel a sweet pain. It was my eyes and heart that betrayed me.

source haveeru